You're in the wrong place ...

Check out loughriedoeseurope.blogspot.com for the latest in my European adventures.

I am in an undisclosed secure location ...

Actually, I'm in London. (Just thought I would give a shout-out to post 9/11 Dick Cheney.)

It's been so fabulous here.

Yesterday, Thursday, I dedicated the day to doing something I haven't done in a long time. Eating pork.

Living in Turkey, there is no swine my favorite etible animal. So I've been loading up here. Traditional English Breakfast that comes with bacon AND sausage, eating pork chow mein and today having a bacon and cheese pastie (bacon and cheese served in a turnover basically. So delicious.)

And of course, I've been savoring the ales here. The beer in Turkey is such shit compared to a proper British ale.

It's 2 here and since I haven't done much since I arrived Wednesday night other than get pissed with my new Irish friend Leo (he's like the Irish Uncle Joe, for anyone who knows my Uncle. Both of them are great guys.)

Well, I'm off to do something free (either the British Museum or the British Library. Haven't decided yet.)

Cheers and I'll post more later.

James

P.S. I am sending this e-mail from London because I left Turkey. Probably should have put that higher. I've taken a job in Korea teaching English for about four times the money I made in Turkey. I'll be on holiday in Europe for another 12 days then it's off to Korea where I will eat dog and call everyone "You People." (Wait, I already do the latter.)

For the next few days, check out loughriedoeseurope.blogspot.com, but also keep checking LoughriedoesTurkey.blogspot.com, as I will keep posting great stories and wacky adventures from Turkey.

We don't have a waffle maker ...

But unlike Rex Grossman in the fourth quarter, I found a way to make things happen.

It was all part of the Turkish Super Pazartesi (Monday) Celebration that took place at my apartment Monday morning.

Though the game was on at 1:30 a.m. I told my room mate Maweja, who is from Chicago, that I would make Chicken and Waffles for the game, a delicacy he never tried before.

We divided up the shopping, I took care of making the fried chicken and gravy and I had him go out to get some waffles.

There are two places we know of in Izmit to get waffles, so we figured this shouldn't be hard.

But as I was chopping mushrooms for the gravy, the phone rang.

It was Maweja. One of the places didn't have waffles on Sunday. The other wouldn't do take out orders.

What the FUCK! Come on Turkey. I've asked you for almost nothing westernized since I got here, but I needed some waffles.

I quickly collected my thoughts and told him, "Don't worry about it. I've got flour and eggs here, I'll make the waffles."

"We don't have a waffle maker," Maweja replied.

While it was true, I was not going to let the spirit of the waffles be compromised. This was about more than that. It was bad enough I made pork free pigs in a blanket for pre-game appetizers, I was not about to have my Chicken and Waffles foiled. Especially to a Chicken and Waffles virgin.

I told him I would think of something, which was just a line to buy me some time. But it worked. I thought of something.

Pancake Waffles.

The delicious taste of waffles, served in the shape and texture of a pancake.

So now we were having Chicken and Waffle Pancakes, which doesn't sound the same, but to hell with it. We were watching the Superbowl.


This may not look delcious, but the Mushroom Gravy was awesome.

So how did they turn out?

But don't ask me, ask Maweja, who said, "I was pleasantly surprised by truly how wonderful it was. (It was) Some of the best gravy I ever had."

I did not make this quote up. If I did, there would have been some comment about midgets, sheep or bums fighting each other. (My favorite topics).

The Internet was the greatest invention ever for me Sunday, because it was not only where I got my recipes for Fried Chicken, Waffles and Gravy, but it was also how Maweja and I watched the game.

This little baby has brought me closer to America, especially for important games like the Super Bowl.

Yeah, it's been a while ...

I haven't written for a while.

Please don't assume I've been stolen by gypsies. I would have posted pictures about that.

The last two weeks have been both wonderful, horrible and all around stressful. I'll refrain from too many details, but know there are more wacky adventures to come.

However, there were some problems at work last week and two very bad days. The problems are solved now, but as I was experiencing them I realized something.

I didn't expect everyday to be wonderful here in Turkey. Days can't all be good, it's just a fact of life.

But I'll take ten bad days in America for one bad day here. (Come to think of it that's about the ratio I have for my former and current job)

The language is one thing that amplifies a bad day. This might sound stupid, but you really have no appreciation for how easy your life is until you live in a country where you don't speak the language.

My Turkish gets better every day, but it's still not nearly enough to be fluent. You people (in America and any others reading from countries where they were born) know the language, you know how to communicate and you know how the customs.

It's a humbling experience to step outside of that and try to take on another tongue. It's also more humbling to ask one of your Turkish friends to come with you to do simple tasks like go to the post office, buy something or get directions to the bus stop.

There are moments like last week, when the stress meter is high and I just want to wake up in America.

But fortunately the vast majority of my days here, (I'd guess 95%) are days like today, when I want nothing more than to meet a Turkish person and eat kebab (that shit is so good. I swear they put crack in it).

That's when I pity you people. Because there's just not a decent kebab place in America.

***


Get ready for the big game at my place.

If anyone is in the greater Izmit area Sunday, (actually Monday morning at 3 a.m.) Maweja and I will be up watching the Super Bowl. It will be the most American thing I've done since I've been here. Well that and using the term "Hurriyet Patates" which is Turkish for "Freedom Fries."

I'm preparing Swine in a Blanket (except made with beef sausages because I can't find any pork around here), Hurriyet Patates and, drumroll please, Chicken and Waffles.

A Turkish hunt ....

Today was great. Exhausting, but great.

I woke at 5 a.m. to go hunting with one of the students from my school. I was excited about this for last few days, because it's been a long time since I killed anything.

Our prey was birds and that was a personal joy for me.

Emre, the student who invited me, picked me up and we went off to the woods looking for birds. There was one little problem I realized when I got out there.

I didn't know what particular type of bird we were hunting. Some of you may know I am familiar with hunting California Quail, a delicious bird that's also a pleasure to kill.

When we got to the woods, I asked Emre what kind of birds we were looking for, except he didn't know the bird names in English and I didn't know them in Turkish.

No problem, I adopted the shoot at any reasonable sized bird within range approach. I was determined to kill a bird today for two reasons: 1) I wanted to kill something. 2) I fucking hate birds.

They are a nuisance and parasite on the food chain. They are disease carrying rodents with wings that should all be killed. The only good bird is a dead one.

Unfortunately, my vengeance on birds would not be fulfilled. After trudging through the mud, up hills and across rivers for several hours, there were just no birds to have. Our party of five hunters managed one kill.

It was great holding a gun again and being outdoors though. It brought back memories from hunting with my father and grandfather as a child. For anyone who attempted such a feat, and all should because killing animals is almost better than eating them, there are some things that can only be experienced in the "cheap showiness of nature."

It had been so long since I was in the outdoors, that I forgot how quiet it is out there. You can hear anything between shotgun blasts. A bird's single chirp, a squirrel stepping on a tree branch (if I would have seen a squirrel I would have killed it.) It's quite an amazing experience.

Walking through the natural outdoors of Turkey I also fantasized.

I thought how great it would be to walk through Izmit, the town I live in, with the same shotgun and pocket full of shells.

I would walk to school like I do everyday, but I would make a special stop.

At the taxi stand.

There I would have an unending supply of pigeons to kill.
(You thought I was going to write something about killing people, didn't you.)

Birds are bad and pigeons are the lowest of the creatures. Every day, I walk to school and pass one of the biggest collections of pigeons I've ever seen gathering eating the bread crumbs some dumbass throws at them.

These pigeons congregate day and night at the taxi stand. It normally wouldn't bother me except I have to walk by there to get to school.

They fly around the buildings, shitting on anything below. They are a nuisance and a cancer on Izmit, but no one seems to have the gall to walk out there and kill them. Maybe I should. If its against the law, which I assume it is, I will just tell them, "I didn't know. We do this all the time in my country."

Forget it. That excuse only works in America.

Bootlegs - more than just a funny word ...

It's awards season in Los Angeles and though I used to live 60 miles north of it, I am proud to say that this year, I've seen more Golden Globe nominated films than I ever did when lived an hour away or for three years in Los Angeles.

How? Piracy.

Almost every DVD and pesky little creatures called VCD's in Turkey are copies.

The quality is good and the price is cheap (4 lira or $2.79 for a DVD.) What really amazed me when I moved here was the way its done. When you visit a "DVD" store, it's all copies of DVDs. Even on the streets, vendors sell copies of VCDs and DVDs all over.

VCDs are more popular and are movies burned onto a regular compact disc rather than a DVD. They are also cheaper (2 Lira or $1.39 for a VCD) but most of them are dubbed in Turkish so I just avoid asking for them and stick with DVDs.

I'm also amazed at the speed they are available. When films are still in the United States theatres they are available here on bootleg DVDs.

The more amazing part for me was that piracy is illegal here in Turkey. I have a three students who are lawyers and I've asked them all if it is illegal for people to sell DVDs on the street. All of them said "No" and some had entertaining answers.

One of them said the police, who routinely walk by the DVD vendors, don't care about this - they're worried about bigger crimes and problems.

Another one said no one in Turkey cares because "The United States is a rich country and the people here are poor."

Either way, I've seen four of the five films up for best drama in the Golden Globes and I've seen three of the comedies.

(My picks to win are Babel and Little Miss Sunshine, but if I could pick the winners they would be the Departed and Borat, although I loved Thank you for Smoking and Little Miss Sunshine also.)

When I purchased Babel, though, there was a downside. The film relies heavily on subtitles and I was downright lost in some of the scenes. Even without dialogue I still don't think it's that good and is over-hyped much like the Aviator was two years ago.

Watch, it may take plenty of Globes, but Oscar will straighten it out.

But back to the subject at hand. watching the DVDs directly at home is so much better than the theatre. Rather than going to the movies, where I would spend at least 7 lira for entrance and have to see or talk to other people - I can just spend 4 lira and tune out the world around me.

It's a beautiful thing.

What a way to ring in the new year ...

So my roommate Maweja and I went to the wine bar we frequent here in town.

It was New Years Eve and the place was great. Packed with really cool people and it was a festive atmosphere. Plus, there were cheesy party hats that I cannot resist.

That night was something special, because they had live music. But the accordion player, guitarist and drummer weren't so special. What made the live music better was that Usuf, the bar owner, asked me to get up and sing some Frank Sinatra.

I've done much karaoke in my lifetime, but this was so superior. With live music behind me I belted out "My Way" and "Strangers in the Night." The crowd was great too. They cheered me on as I got up there and when I said, "Multu Yillar" which means Happy New Year in Turkish, they cheered even louder.

I haven't done karaoke since I've been to Turkey but I don't know if I ever will be able to do it again. Live music is the only way to go.